First off, I declare that I do not believe in the law of cause-and-effect in human relations. I think that others influenced me. But their action, word or attitude did not move or motivate me. For me, all action and thought find their source in feelings. And from age fourteen on I wanted to be a missionary priest. Happily, Maryknoll was there to enable me to fulfill my desire. So, I cannot say how I got or received my mission vocation. The call is a gift. God just sees the human agent He wants and makes him what He wants him to be. However, I can say (at age 76) what state living out that vocation has lead to. I am almost afraid to admit in this era of doubt and turmoil that I am, right now, the most contented person I have been in my entire life.

What kind of childhood did I have? Short. However it came about, in my early teens I was already subject to the fears, concerns and paranoia that many adults are heirs to. I was doing 40 mph in a 15 mph zone. My "adulthood" was solidified by ordination and by the status conferred upon me by priesthood.

Then in my mid-forties through a happy concurrence of family, work, and personal crises my iron man self by some providential alchemy started to transform into gold. As I lost my "native" steely stance and will, I gradually became less iron more gold, less impervious and more sensitive. In a word I was led along the weakness path of which Saint Paul boasts.

After 37 years of mission in Taiwan China, by dint of forethought and consultation I was transferred at my own request to Tanzania. I liked Taiwan and was fully enculturated there, as much as any foreigner can be. But "look-see" visits to Africa in 1983 and 1986 confirmed my feeling that I was going "home" by moving to that East African country. And, happily, I was to bring to East Africa a charism all my own. On assignment here I was already 66 years old, not exactly the age when to become an ace at the Swahili language. But I was relaxed at language school, at my post-school apprenticeship with a seasoned Maryknoller, open perforce to any and all learning experiences. I did not have a wealth of Africa lore to "share" (that is, teach to others). My mission life here has been and still is listening and learning.

When you go swimming the safest way is to dive into the deepest part of the water. So, on instinct and without "reason" I asked to be posted as curate to an African diocesan pastor in each of my three assignments here. I did so with neither planned nor foreseen outcome. A superior evaluating the years since my 1991 arrival here told me that I am one foreign priest the African priests do not fear. How so? I am not in an authority role vis-à-vis them! And, by their report, I do not teach, teach, teach them. So, my lack of sureness born of age turns out to be my opening to local clergy.

Every daily language study, every Mass safari to an outstation adds another layer of contentment on me. As my physical and mental stamina diminishes I am finding more and more a grace-full way of being here (and now) "helpless and useless."

Edward's Ministry             Edward's Biography             More of Edward's Reflections

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